Silent Scream

This is a poem i read in a book:

Silent Scream

Outside you seee me smiling
And floating through each day
A little tired, a little thin
But overall okay.

But you don't hear my anguished thoughts
Which surface every night
They plague me, haunt me torment me
'Til I'm to weak to fight.

And so next day I come to school
With deeply shadowed eyes
I smile laugh and speak on cue
Living a pack of lies.

A silent scream echoes inside
Reaction to my lie
"Til with no warning it erupts
And I crumble down and cry.

Come find me, help me, make it stop
No! Keep out go away
For if you come I've no control
Over the words I say.

Can't you hear my silent scream
Decipher what I hide
So come and ask me what is wrong
Come sit down by my side.

If nothing else then please read through
This tangled web I weave
For you are really not the one
I'm trying to decieve.

Help me I don't know what I want
I've lost my guiding light
Please hold me let me cry and say
Somehow you'll make it right.

Perhaps deep down I know whats wrong
What keeps me up awake
What is the source of all my tears
And ever-there heartache.

But not yet can I face it
Or maybe I just won't
Please someone help me understand
God only knows I don't.

Jordan Darely can do no wrong...

While I was in San Diego the unbelievable happened...Jordan was nice to me. But of course that didn't last long. But what really bugged me was what he said to Leslie. (If you do not know who she is read some of my past blogs.)She was texting him and he was saying crap like "I don't know who you are anymore". This was making her mad and she wanted to straighten it out. So she called him and he said the unthinkable. He went off on her and i quote said " You are not being like a christian. You need to go to church and read the Bible." She lifted the phone into the air,not caring who grabbed it, and started bawling onto my shoulder. I felt so helpless. I wanted to beat the crap out of this guy. I think this quote sums up the way he was acting exactly.

“I like your Christ,but I do not like your Christians. For your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”~Mahatma Gandhi

If u have had an experience even remotely close to this then tell me your story. I am all ears.

jerk??? guy

i don't know why but i really like this guy. i've only known him a few hours but i feel that i've known him for years.he was flirting with me and leading me on. then i find out that he doesn't really like me and that he was never trying to make me like him. coulda fooled me. (come to think of it he did fool me). but the problem is i don't want to like him cause he doesn't like me but i do. i really like him and it sucks cause i don't want to. it especially sucks because he seems like a really nice guy. i keep feeling really bad because he said that he didn't like me. leslie thinks he might have been lying but i'm not so sure. i have a person ( and u know who you are) who keeps telling me that he's not a good guy but you would think he's the nicest guy when you talk to him on the phone. i'm so confused and i need help. any ideas???
(if u are reaing this {and u know who you are} i'm sorry and don't feel bad, i'm jst confused).

more about friends

having a friend to laugh with u is important. but having a friend to cry with you is more important. having a friend who is willing to beat the crap out of anybody is important. but when u have a friend to help feel ur pain, let u cry on their shoulder and pick u up when your down is the most imprtant thing.
i have a few freinds like this. one is a guy and his name is chris. but one is a girl and she is my best friend in the whole world. love doesn't even begin to describe my feelings toward her. the only word to describe her is LESLIE!!!!

yeah

btw my sister hannah made this background for me...she just wanted me to tell u that

love

love is a hard thing to understand. many times i thought i loved someone. i'm still not sure if i did. i think that i was in love with someone. which to me means that i cared allot about them and would do anything for them. when u love someone your suppose to get this amazing unreal feeling. which at this point i probably haven't ever felt before. especially because i haven't even had my first kiss. u reading this probably think i'm crazy and that i have no idea what i'm talking abut. especially now that u know that i haven't had my first kiss. i don't even know if i'm right. hell i could be totally and completely wrong. but who really knows. i mean except for a 40 year old no one near my age probably has experienced that yet. and u reading this...don't get mad at me for saying that.

Friends

for some reason i have a hard time keeping Friends for longer than a few months. i don't know why but sadly if i ask multiple people they Will probably tell me lots of stuff. this year i have learned something about people, that i knew i'd learn eventually, not everyone will like you. i've never (and i'm not bragging) really had someone just not like me for no reason. i've never had someone who didn't like me since they met me. i've never had someone completely turn their back on me because they felt like it. and now i do. having Friends is really hard and apparently you have to work at it. friendships don't always grow over night. (actually alot don't). just remember to be the best you that you can be. and if some asshole doesn't like them. screw them. the hell with them. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU MISERABLE WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!!!!